Missing you – part two

I woke up with a call at exactly the time you used to call. It’s the time for you to leave work and call me to keep you company because you don’t like to go home alone. I answered scared, with a half-closed eye, hoping it was you, it was only the longing taking over.

Longing… is when I see you in everything and find you in nothing, it comes and no longer wants to leave. It’s a crazy thing. Because besides the pain, it takes away the little sanity I have.

A month ago and I almost called you. Your contact is still in my favorites. I’ve never had anyone as a favorite in my contact, and I’m missing the courage to remove you from there. And another thing, it won’t even help. I memorized your number. The memory is good lol.

I wanted to say these things looking in your eyes, but I could hardly do without crying.

I tried to record a voice note, but I canceled because the voice was beginning to choke.

I even miss your ‘hi’ when you’re mad, that is drier than clothes on the line on a sunny summer day. But you prefer the silence and it’s fucking with me. Hit me, swear at me, say I’m overkill, just don’t be silent, please. Your silence makes a noise in my mind…

Today is nearly two years since you walked away – and I don’t even know why – and days have completely lost their meaning. I bet you remembered me when you saw the date because I remembered you too.

I know, it’s all very hard. Here too, but it’ll be fine…

Honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to do. The only thing I’m sure of is that I won’t be able to forget you.

I’ve already searched for you in everyone I met, in other smiles, but I can’t. Is only you. And if it’s not you, it’s not funny.

In the middle of all this mess, it’s you that I miss. It’s you I want.

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